I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
