nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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