i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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