I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
