She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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