So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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