so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
