they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
