im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
