its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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