No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
