Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
