I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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