lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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