There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
