so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I love how my cats smell like pot.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
