ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
