He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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