We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
