dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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