Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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