We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
