I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
