I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
