I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
