During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
