guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
