She announced her abortion via fbk
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
