and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
