i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
