The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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