I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
