my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
