I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize