yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
