i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
