This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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