The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
