Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
