I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
