i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
