pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
