The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
