I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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