maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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