You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
50% drunk capacity currently
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
