Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
