batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
