I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize