i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
