I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
