ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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