My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
